


Always

by gxldenskyes



Category: Doctor Who, Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 20:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24681496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gxldenskyes/pseuds/gxldenskyes
Summary: The Doctor comes to see Sarah Jane after a traumatic experience.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Sarah Jane Smith
Kudos: 25





	Always

Sarah Jane lay on the couch as she watched the film on the television. It wasn't very interesting but it was better than facing reality at the moment. Her eyes started to droop but she fought against it. She didn't want to face the nightmares she had recently acquired a few months previously.

As she started to drift off, Sarah Jane was startled by loud knocking on the window next to her. She practically jumped out of her skin as she shot up from the couch, grabbed her sonic lipstick and the remote control as weapon and faced the window. To her surprise, the Doctor in his eleventh generation grinned from the other side of the glass, waving to her. He was the last person she expected to see. She sighed, put down the objects and unlocked the window.

"Can't you go through the door?" Sarah Jane asked.

"The window was the first thing I saw when I came up the drive and I also saw you sitting on your couch and thought I could get your attention that way." The Doctor replied, "It also saves you walking through to the hall."

Sarah Jane just rolled her eyes and opened the window for him to climb in. He tumbled in as he climbed through the window but shot up quickly, laughing as he spun around. For some reason, the Doctor's clumsiness and eventual laughter was not some thing she found funny right now. The Doctor took her into his arms, holding her tightly.

"Hello, Sarah." He held her tightly before breaking off the hug, "I've missed you."

Sarah Jane tried a smile but struggled. He didn't seem to notice.

"Tea?" Sarah Jane asked.

"Ooh, yes please." The Doctor rubbed his hands together.

Sarah Jane just nodded and headed to the kitchen. She began making the tea as the Doctor followed her. The Doctor looked around her kitchen, his hands in his pockets.

"I've never been in your kitchen." The Doctor looked around, "I like it. I like it a lot."

The Doctor noticed a framed photo of Sarah Jane and the kids and smiled. He picked it up, admiring all their happy faces.

"How's Luke?" The Doctor asked, "Studying hard at Oxford, I'm assuming?"

"Mhm. He's doing really well." Sarah Jane nodded, "He's got a boyfriend."

"He has?"

"Mhm."

"Good for him! What about Clyde and Rani?"

"They've both got offers from university. They're doing really well." Sarah Jane replied. She was so proud of them all and talking about their achievements made her heart grow. As she looked out from the corner of her eye, she noticed the Doctor was holding the picture that was at the side and it was only a matter of time before he asked about the fifth person, "I'm really proud of them."

"And who's this?" The Doctor stood next to her, pointing to the younger, dark blonde-haired girl with a big smile. Sarah Jane's heart melted and broke at the same time.

"That's Sky." Sarah Jane replied, quickly going back to making the tea, "I um, I adopted her not too long ago."

"Oh really?" The Doctor asked with a grin, "Am I allowed to meet her? Is she here or at a friend's?"

"No, um," How was she going to explain this one? Sarah Jane could feel her throat closing up, "She... she's gone. She sacrificed herself for the world, the universe in fact."

The Doctor looked down at the picture of the young girl. What the hell had he missed in this time? He should have been here. He should have come to help her. Sky would have still been here.

"I'm so sorry." The Doctor rested his hand on her shoulder. Sarah Jane closed her eyes for a moment. She wanted to burst into tears but held it in, "What happened?"

"The Trickster." Sarah Jane replied, she bit her lip for a moment, "Sky was the daughter of the Trickster and he used her as a weapon against me. He knew that a defenceless child would get to me and when I took her in, he came back. She managed to destroy him but that meant she had to guard his prison. Make sure he never escapes."

The Doctor didn't know what to say. He just continued to look at the young face smiling back at him. It hurt him that Sarah Jane had to go through all of this. She didn't deserve this. None of them did. The Doctor couldn't imagine the pain she was going through.

Sarah Jane turned and as she did so, her elbow nudged one of the mugs as it fell to the ground. The smash on the tiled floor shook her up even more, eliciting a gasp from her lips. The Doctor turned to her. He had never seen her this jumpy before. Not even after the most harrowing adventures they had been on. The Doctor put down the photo on the side as Sarah Jane rushed to pick up the remains of the smashed mug. He crouched down next to her, going to pick it up.

"No, I'll manage." Sarah Jane tried, "You go sit down. I'm so sorry."

"I'll clean it up." The Doctor said in reply.

"No, no, I can manage." Sarah Jane shook her head, holding back tears.

"Sarah," He cupped her face with his free hand. It was the first time they properly made eye contact since he came in. Sarah Jane's eyes were growing misty and she felt like she was going to burst into hysterical crying at any minute, "I'll take care of it. You go sit down."

Sarah Jane knew she wasn't going to be able to argue. She just nodded, looking around herself. She headed back to the living room, deep in her thoughts about what she had just discussed with him.

The Doctor tidied up the kitchen in no time and got the tea started again. Sarah Jane had her legs curled underneath her, biting her thumbnail with the sleeves of her cardigan almost covering her hands. As she watched the television, she noticed the cup of tea appearing from beside her. She looked up to the Doctor who smiled a small smile as he held the mug for her.

"Thanks." She took the cup of tea from him, taking a sip whilst he sat next to her.

They sat in silence for a while or so, taking a few sips of their tea as they watched the television though neither were interested in the film on the screen. The Doctor put his cup on the coaster on the coffee table before turning to Sarah Jane. She had her back to him slightly, curled up into the corner of the couch. It was like she didn't want to face him. There was a bit of space between them on the couch but it felt like miles to the Doctor. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her everything was okay, even if it didn't feel like it. The Doctor had never seen Sarah Jane like this before and it broke both his hearts. This was not the Sarah Jane he knew. This was not his Sarah Jane and he had not been there when she needed him the most. When they all needed him most.

Sarah Jane daydreamed as she held the warm mug in her hand, not focusing on where she was staring. She was totally unaware of her surroundings, somehow removing herself entirely from the room she was in. All she thought about was Sky. Not even the Doctor was on her mind. Not until he touched her back gently.

"Sarah?" He said quietly, "Are you okay?"

"Mhm." She just nodded, not turning back.

"Sarah, you can talk to me, you know?" The Doctor reassured her, his hand rubbing her back soothingly, "I'm always here."

"No, you're not." Sarah Jane sat up suddenly. She put her mug down and turned to him.

The Doctor had never seen this look on her face before. She looked so broken but so angry at the same time. Sarah Jane looked like she was going to explode at any minute and the Doctor had no clue what to do. He decided to just stay sitting, keeping calm as he could.

"I am, Sarah Jane." The Doctor replied, "You're my best friend."

"Well, where were you when I needed you the most, hm?" She asked, "You must have known this was happening, what the Trickster was planning. You certainly knew what was happening when I tried to get married." Sarah Jane continued. Her rage was seeping out more and more, "Oh, you definitely knew then!"

"I swear to you that I knew nothing of this." The Doctor tried, "If I did, I would have tried to stop this. I would have never wanted this to have happened to you."

"But it did happen. It did." Sarah Jane replied, "Every time you needed me, I was always there. Always. Where were you when I needed you most?" She asked. The Doctor was about to speak but she stopped him, "Oh, I don't even want to know. Probably gallivanting on some far away planet with some barely legal girl you picked up on your latest adventure."

"Sarah, please." The Doctor stood, going to take her hand. All he wanted to do was comfort her.

"No!" Sarah Jane snatched her hand away, "Don't touch me! You caused this!"

"What?" The Doctor asked, "What are you talking about?"

"If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have been in this mess! I would have had a normal life." Sarah Jane continued. Her tears now streaked her face but she didn't care, "I could have just got along very well without the nightmares of Daleks and Cybermen and Sontarans and just continued with my life and career. I could have married Peter and maybe I could have actually given birth to Luke and Sky. I could have had a normal happy life but no," She pointed at him. Her finger pointing at him felt like a stab from a dagger, "You had to ruin it all with your adventures and aliens and two hearts! And then you just dropped me back on Earth in the wrong place like it was nothing! Like I was nothing!"

"I didn't mean it." The Doctor's hearts were breaking at every word she spoke, "I never meant for things to play out the way they did. If I knew about all of this, I would have helped you. I would have tried so hard to make sure Sky was safe with you."

"But she isn't! She's damned for eternity guarding the bloody Trickster! That's no life to live." She was sniffling now. Sarah Jane shuddered, wiping her face. The Doctor hated seeing how broken she was, "I wish I never met you. I wish I could have just got on with my life and never met you." The Doctor slowly moved towards her, unaware of angry she was about to get when she realised he was moving to her. As the Doctor towards her, Sarah Jane slapped him, "Don't come near me! I would have never lost her if it wasn't for you. I hate you!"

Sarah Jane stopped herself as the Doctor looked at her like a lost puppy. She couldn't believe she had just said those words to him. Of all people, she really said it to him. Sarah Jane gasped, covering her mouth as she watched the Doctor hold his cheek. She knew that he wasn't concerned about the pain and more about her. As he looked up to her, Sarah Jane broke down.

Sarah Jane was surprised when the Doctor took her into his arms. She couldn't believe he was so quick to comfort her after she had said all those things. The Doctor rubbed her back, his cheek resting on the side of her head as Sarah Jane rested her on his shoulder. She started to cry more, feeling completely broken.

"I'm sorry." She sobbed, "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry."

"Shh." He calmed her as he broke off the embrace. He gripped her chin, looking at her tear strained face. The Doctor wiped her tears away from Sarah Jane's cheeks as she breathed heavily, "Come on, let's sit down."

Sarah Jane just nodded and the two sat down on the couch. The Doctor grabbed her cup of tea, handing it to her. She took a couple of sips with her knees brought up to her chin. Sarah Jane stared into the mug, totally lost in her thoughts.

"I should have been here." The Doctor said, "You're right, I could have done something."

"You couldn't have known." Sarah Jane shook her head, "I shouldn't have said those things. It wasn't fair on you. I'm sorry."

"You don't need to apologise. I understand. Don't worry about me." The Doctor smiled. He couldn't deny that her words hurt but he knew she was hurting a lot more. He understood that she didn't mean it. Not really.

"I always worry about you." Sarah Jane turned to him, her eyes slightly puffy.

"I know you do." He said with a soft chuckle, "And I worry about you. I should have been here. I could have helped you. Sky could have still been here with you."

"No." Sarah Jane shook her head, "It was my fault. The Trickster used her to get to me. I'm her mother, it was my job to protect her and I didn't."

"Sarah, you did." The Doctor sat forward, taking her hands in his, "You did protect her but there was nothing anyone could have done that could have stopped the Trickster doing what he did. Sky had to make that sacrifice to protect you and everyone else."

"But she's just a child." Sarah Jane started to cry again.

The Doctor quickly took the mug from her hands and brought her into his arms. Sarah Jane cried into his chest, closing her eyes right as her tears fell down her face. The Doctor held her close, kissing her head softly. Slowly, the Doctor lay down so Sarah Jane lay on his chest. He held her close still, letting her cry. He hated seeing her like this. This wasn't the happy defender of Earth he had seen last year or the plucky journalist he travelled with all those years ago. Sarah Jane's heart was breaking and the Doctor felt helpless.

The Doctor stroked Sarah Jane's hair, trying to soothe her the best he could. For Sarah Jane, him just being there was a saviour in itself. Her breathing calmed down as time went on. The Doctor held her tightly, not wanting to let her go until she was okay.

"She visits me in my dreams sometimes." Sarah Jane said quietly. She stared ahead, not looking up at him, "Sometimes it's just for the most mundane things," She chuckled, "Just to see her and talk to her. It's better than nothing."

"I'm sure she feels the same way." The Doctor replied, "She seemed like a great girl, Sarah. You should be proud."

"She is." Sarah Jane nodded, "She's amazing. I'm so proud."

The Doctor kissed her head again gently. Sarah Jane suddenly looked up to him. Her eyes were red and puffy but she managed a smile. A real smile.

"Thank you for being here." Sarah Jane said quietly. She was truly grateful for him being there. Sometimes, she just needed him and that was it. No adventures, no crazy aliens, no running. Just them. Together.

"Always." The Doctor smiled down to her.

Sarah Jane said nothing as she cupped his face, kissing his lips softly. The Doctor couldn't help but feel a little surprised by the kiss but he didn't care. It had been so long since he and Sarah Jane had been like this and he did not want to waste it. The kiss was loving and only went for a couple of seconds or so before Sarah Jane broke it off and lay her head back down on his chest.

Sarah Jane sighed softly, letting herself drift off to the beat of his two hearts. It was the first time in a while that she felt she could sleep comfortably. Even if she had a nightmare, Sarah Jane felt safe with the Doctor next to her. The Doctor was aware of her falling asleep when her breathing changed. He looked down to her, just seeing her closed eyes from her hair. He smiled but he knew he wanted to make her comfortable.

The Doctor carefully tried to move her off of him as he got up from the couch. He turned off the television before lifting her up in a bridal lift. Sarah Jane seemed to cuddle into his chest as he carried her. He remembered the path to her bedroom, keeping her close to him.

The Doctor entered the room, pushing the door shut with his foot. He walked to the bed, pulling down the covers before laying Sarah Jane down. He took her slippers off her feet before lifting her legs into the bed. For a moment, she stirred but continued to sleep. The Doctor sighed a sigh of relief, now taking off his blazer and shoes. He crawled into the other side of the bed next to her. As he relaxed, the Doctor felt Sarah Jane cuddle into him, her head resting on his chest once more. He smiled down to her, kissing her head before letting himself drift off with her. It was nice to just be with her, even just for a while.


End file.
